The past

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Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in the "The past" journal:

January 17th, 2004

05:25 am

This is my LAST post on this Lj, I made a new one.
If I cant be apart of anyone's lives.
Then im not going to let them whats going on in MINE.
I regret ever going out with you, Jessica.
It made me happy for awhile.
But in the long run its fucked me over big time.
GOD.
I should have known after what happend with Scott
That this would happen.
And I've been accused of being a traitor to Carlos
How was I supposed to know he still wanted to go out with Jessica.
Im being punished for something I didnt KNOW ABOUT.
I can't believe her, OR him.
It's not fair..
Being hurt..for something that isn't my fault.
Something that was a misunderstanding..
I never wanted to betray him..I cared too much about him -_-
Even when I expressed my anger towards him..I still cared..
-__-; Mabye I AM the bad guy..
I didn't mean to be... I'm sorry.

Current Mood: angry

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05:22 am

[Link]

Alright.
If thats what they want.
I'll be alone.
Jessica AND Carlos seem to want this.
I wont talk to either of them.
Nobody wants anything to do with me anymore.
I dont know how ME misunderstanding CARLOS'S STUPID BEHAVIOR
Is causing him AND her to HATE ME
Its BULLSHIT
Some friends.
You jerk.
Carlos, I WOULD HAVE NEVER FUCKING WENT OUT WITH HER IF I KAD KNOWN WHAT YOUR REAL INTENTIONS WERE!
I NEVER WANTED TO BETRAY YOU!
I DIDNT THINK I WAS!
WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME!?
ARGH!
.....................

Current Mood: angry

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January 10th, 2004

10:17 pm

[Link]

Today was a pretty good day.
Stayed home..
Went to GameCTRL all day.
Talked to Andy about getting paid.
I told him I wanted money to save up for a car and car insurance.
He said he'd look into a car auction and try to find me one.
Er..
I mean, thats really nice of him to do that but..
Uh..I think I just want my money >>;
*Shrugs*
I hope I get to go see Jessica tomorrow..
Her parents like me =O Yay!

Jessica fears that Los is going to try to take some sort of revenge.
I really don't think he will.
But as long as me and her know that things he says isn't true.
If he tries to mess with us individually, we should be okay.
Because we still have each other.

Well, Im gonna go now.
Since Jessica wont be on for me to talk to..I guess I'll go to bed early.
I dont have anything else to do =P

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06:38 pm

[Link]

*Sighs*
I miss muh Jessica..
Haven't talked to her all day.
u_u;

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05:09 am

[Link]

*Sigh*
I wish I could see Jessica on days other then thursday and sunday.
.___.;
*Just..started feeling bad about this*
I'm probably gonna start feeling like I did with Jacii.
How I felt like we never got to see each other..
That would normally upset me alot.
But there's also a big difference.
Jessica doesn't act like an asshole =P
Doesn't treat me like I'm only a friend.
So, not seeing her won't get to me as much as it did with Jacii.

Yesterday was okay.
I got pissed off near the end of the meeting when I talked to Anthony about Carlos.
He hates me again =) Cause im going out with Jessica. Imagine that..
That would happen, after we start talking again.
*Shrugs*
He's being a big baby.
I'm not going to let his childish antics ruin me and Jessica.
If this is how it has to be, so be it.
I wish Jessica luck today, because she's probably going to go off on Los for how he has been, and the way he was acting toward us at the meeting.
I didnt notice until we left.
But Jessica said that the whole time he was shooting us dirty looks.
I decided to just lay low with the relationship, to prevent any fighting or anything that would upset Jessica.
I didn't mean to hurt her feelings when I walked away..
I was going the other direction from Los.
Because I noticed how he was looking at me and her. -_-;
Once again, only trying to prevent stuff from happening.

Anyway.
Aferwards Jeremy brought me home, talked to Jessica when she got online.
Had a long conversation about Los, and about us.
I'll gain her trust in me with time.
She might not ever love me like she did him.
But I'm never going to treat her like he did.
I promise that.

*sigh*
*Still feels kinda bad about never getting to see her much..AND how he acted at the meeting to avoid any conflict with Carlos* >.<

I want to see her..;_;

.______.;

Current Mood: uncomfortable

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January 9th, 2004

08:52 pm

[Link]

Last Cigarette::	I don't smoke.
Last Alcoholic Drink::	I don't drink.
Last Car Ride::	With Jeremy, from the meeting.
Last Kiss::	Rather not say.
Last Good Cry::	I don't know.
Last Library Book checked out::	Lomehedge, Redwall
Last Movie Seen in Theatres::	The Haunted Mansion
Last Book Read::	Lomehedge, Redwall
Last Movie Rented::	Don't ever rent movies.
Last Cuss Word Uttered::	Damn
Last Beverage Drank::	Dr.Pepper
Last Food Consumed::	Tater tots o.O
Last Crush::	BEEPZOIPDOOMZAPWARK
Last Phone Call::	Dad
Last TV Show Watched::	Dragonball
Last Time Showered::	This morning
Last Shoes Worn::	My nike..things
Last CD Played::	I dont listen to CD's.
Last Item Bought::	New earphones.
Last Download::	White Reflection Type II
Last Annoyance::	Carlos.
Last Disappointment::	Carlos, again.
Last Soda Drank::	Dr.Pepper.
Last Thing Written::	Notes in chemistry class.
Last Key Used::	The key to open up GameCTRL
Last Word Spoken::	Moo
Last Sleep::	Last night o.o
Last IM::	Jessica
Last Sexual Fantasy::	o_O;;
Last Weird Encounter::	o_O;; again
Last Ice Cream Eaten::	Vanilla
Last Time Amused::	Earlier when watching FLCL
Last Time Wanting To Die::	I've never wanted to die.
Last
Last Time Hugged::	Today.
Last Time Scolded::	Yesterday.
Last Time Resentful::	I dont know. o_o
Last Chair Sat In::	The one Im sitting in now.
Last Lipstick Used::	o_O I dont wear lipstick
Last Underwear Worn::	o_o;; I wear boxers
Last Bra Worn::	I dont wear a bra! XD
Last Shirt Worn::	Ladydeath T-shirt
Last Webpage Visited::	This one o_O

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] last">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<table style="font-size:10px;"><tr><td>Last Cigarette::</td><td>I don't smoke. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Alcoholic Drink::</td><td>I don't drink. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Car Ride::</td><td>With Jeremy, from the meeting. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Kiss::</td><td>Rather not say. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Good Cry::</td><td>I don't know. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Library Book checked out::</td><td>Lomehedge, Redwall </td></tr><tr><td>Last Movie Seen in Theatres::</td><td>The Haunted Mansion </td></tr><tr><td>Last Book Read::</td><td>Lomehedge, Redwall </td></tr><tr><td>Last Movie Rented::</td><td>Don't ever rent movies. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Cuss Word Uttered::</td><td>Damn </td></tr><tr><td>Last Beverage Drank::</td><td>Dr.Pepper </td></tr><tr><td>Last Food Consumed::</td><td>Tater tots o.O </td></tr><tr><td>Last Crush::</td><td>BEEPZOIPDOOMZAPWARK </td></tr><tr><td>Last Phone Call::</td><td>Dad </td></tr><tr><td>Last TV Show Watched::</td><td>Dragonball </td></tr><tr><td>Last Time Showered::</td><td>This morning </td></tr><tr><td>Last Shoes Worn::</td><td>My nike..things </td></tr><tr><td>Last CD Played::</td><td>I dont listen to CD's. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Item Bought::</td><td>New earphones. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Download::</td><td>White Reflection Type II </td></tr><tr><td>Last Annoyance::</td><td>Carlos. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Disappointment::</td><td>Carlos, again. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Soda Drank::</td><td>Dr.Pepper. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Thing Written::</td><td>Notes in chemistry class. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Key Used::</td><td>The key to open up GameCTRL </td></tr><tr><td>Last Word Spoken::</td><td>Moo </td></tr><tr><td>Last Sleep::</td><td>Last night o.o </td></tr><tr><td>Last IM::</td><td>Jessica </td></tr><tr><td>Last Sexual Fantasy::</td><td>o_O;; </td></tr><tr><td>Last Weird Encounter::</td><td>o_O;; again </td></tr><tr><td>Last Ice Cream Eaten::</td><td>Vanilla </td></tr><tr><td>Last Time Amused::</td><td>Earlier when watching FLCL </td></tr><tr><td>Last Time Wanting To Die::</td><td>I've never wanted to die. </td></tr><tr><td>Last </td></tr><tr><td>Last Time Hugged::</td><td>Today. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Time Scolded::</td><td>Yesterday. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Time Resentful::</td><td>I dont know. o_o </td></tr><tr><td>Last Chair Sat In::</td><td>The one Im sitting in now. </td></tr><tr><td>Last Lipstick Used::</td><td>o_O I dont wear lipstick </td></tr><tr><td>Last Underwear Worn::</td><td>o_o;; I wear boxers </td></tr><tr><td>Last Bra Worn::</td><td>I dont wear a bra! XD </td></tr><tr><td>Last Shirt Worn::</td><td>Ladydeath T-shirt </td></tr><tr><td>Last Webpage Visited::</td><td>This one o_O </td></tr></table><br /><a href="http://www.bzoink.com/surveys.php?id=122" title=""Last" Survey">"Last" Survey</a> brought to you by <a href="http://www.bzoink.com" title="Free Online Surveys - BZOINK!">BZOINK!</a>

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December 18th, 2003

08:21 pm

[Link]

I've never realized how cruel someone can be, until today. Rather it was HIM, being Carlos. Or HER, being his sister, Cadie. Either way... They'll pay, some way or another they will, for what they've done. Cruel.. Just too cruel. Up until awhile ago I was still like 'Gasp' over it. What's your deal man? Why have you changed so much? I'm starting to feel as if I don't care about you anyone either, but I wont just give up. I'm still waiting for a reply to my letter. If you aren't going to reply, then I guess it's over and I WILL give up on you, you're being so cruel..Its like..It isn't you anymore. Someone switched my best friend with..something evil. PSO reference, Dark Falz has corrupted your mind and you're slowly turning into an evil monster who wants to consume everyone's happiness.

Anyway.

Nothing much went on today..Worked on my final in Chemistry and Geometry. Still reviewing in other classes. Started on the movie 'Taming of the shrew' in english class. Going to sing now and try to make myself feel better.
Ja ne.

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December 13th, 2003

04:21 pm

[Link]

C Is for the CUNT that you are.
A Is for the ASSHOLE that you are.
R Is for the RETARDED attitude you've had towards everyone.
L Is for the great LOVE that you've lost.
O Is for some word that I dont know that describes how angry I am at you.
S Is for the SHIT you've put us all through.

Carlos, I love you man. I want to try and help you. Please respond to my letter.

Please..

Current Mood: Mix of anger and sadness.

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